Transforming into a Mother

Since morning i have been complaining of back pain, a weak bladder, cramps..pain & pain..
The doctor says its normal ! I can't take pain killers and I have to do what I have to do.. the daily work seems so cumbersome and simple tasks exhaust me...
Where is my energy .. at times i feel low... thats it.. i hit 30 and i weigh 80 and i cant control my bladder...
I am scared to sneeze !

In all this mental noise I forgot there is a small baby inside me.
Until I saw this comment "Plants bend when they bear fruit. "
(This is the comment in response to by blog on "Shradha Saburi" , posted by Tina, my "friend.
Actually there is no word to describe our relationship. Friend is too limited. Some relationships are beyond words and hence divine.)

Through the pain, I was reminded of my miracle. A new life with tiny hands and legs, with a little heart beating inside me...
With new dreams and experiences, my little soul rests within, seems to weave its nest deep within.
The strongest bond is in the making, the deepest connection is emerging..
Pain then is a companion, a reminder of the beautiful making..

As I type, the pain has become a spiritual experience.
The Mind , most sages say destroy it, but you cant do it, instead use it, not as a weapon but a tool.
Understand its childish cravings and its attention seekings..

Ok, coming back,
To this little one growing inside me ...
I am the only one he/she has right now before birth... surrounded by my flesh and blood,,
I am the cocoon, I am the branch, I need to bend to assist God in this Divine Plan.
I need to bend , I need to allow all that encompasses the process so divine.
Only through pain and surrender emerges something of true depth ,
Else everything is so superficial then.

So I will celebrate every loss and gain.
Cause there is truly no loss..... just transformation...
Lets see with eyes of faith beyond the process at times unbearable for the mind.
Lets learn to look beyond time & space with eyes of faith and a patient heart.

Let every pain remind us of the gain...

Shradha